Year of the Spark: December 7
by Sparky Army
Summary: She'd given him more than he could ever repay and he'd failed her. Year of the Spark continues.


_We, the Sparky Army, decree 2008 to be the Year of the Spark. We pledge to post a new sparky story or chapter of a sparky story every day from January 1, 2008 to December 31, 2008. Though the Powers that Be have removed Elizabeth Weir from the regular cast of Stargate Atlantis, we feel that she remains an integral part of the show, and that the relationship between her and John Sheppard is too obvious to be ignored. We hope that you, and anyone might happen to read these works, agree._

_And if that isn't official enough for you, we don't know what is. Seriously, guys, we're just trying to have some fun--and show TPTB that Sparky is the way to go. So sit back and enjoy the 366 stories coming your way!_

Authors Note (Hannah554): There are days when I really miss Elizabeth (more than usual at least) and thus a fic was born.

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**All She'd Done**

_By Hannah554_

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Three years ago today.

It was hard to believe that was how long it had been since he'd last seen her, since he'd last spoken to her. The real her at least, not a clone, not a replicator with her memories but her – Elizabeth - his best friend, his leader, possibly the best thing that had ever happened to him. He'd been getting by when he'd met her, living each day as it came, just making it through until the next one. She'd given him purpose, reasons to get up in the morning; she'd given him his life back and then some.

He'd made it his responsibility to protect her, to keep her safe from harm and he'd failed her spectacularly. She was gone now and he'd never quite wrapped his head around that, never allowed it to fully sink in. He'd clung to the fact there was no definitive evidence that she was dead, maybe she was still out there somewhere, maybe some day he'd find her. The years were passing by now though and the chances that that would happen were fading along with his hope.

No one could carry the burden like she could; no one had it in them. Atlantis had seen two new leaders since she'd been so cruelly taken away. Carter had been here for a year, she'd done a good job but she had left. Woolsey had taken over after that, he'd done better than John had been expecting but still he was leaving at the end of the week and a third person was coming in. Elizabeth had been the only one that could handle it all, the Wraith, the replicators, the genii, the various other enemies they were continually making. She'd handled the military trying to move in, the IOA interfering in everything she did, the Trust trying to blow them all sky high. She'd handled it all and John hadn't realised how hard it had been for her, how gracefully she'd carried all that weight until he'd seen others try and fail.

She'd made Atlantis more than just a base, more than a city; she'd made it a home. She'd shared with anyone who needed it, they'd had to earn their keep but she had given both Ronon and Teyla a place here. They'd had an entire civilisation living in the city at one point, the Athosians were gone now but she hadn't hesitated in offering them a place here. It was her who had made Atlantis what it was now, she had brought this city to life and she had made it work. It was almost always her that negotiated trade deals, should anything ever happen to earth Atlantis was entirely capable of sustaining itself. Food, medicines, clothing, weapons, they would still be able to get access to all of it because of the deals, the alliances that Elizabeth had put in place.

He missed her today, it was one of the few days where no matter what he did, where he went, he couldn't get her out of his head. The anniversary of the day he'd lost her was probably the worst one, her voice as she told him to go, to leave her with the replicators resonated in his head even when he went to sleep at night. He could handle her birthday, the Athosian pot he'd bought for her during their first year here was in his room now, one of the few things he had of hers. The anniversary of the day they had arrived in Atlantis always reminded him of the looks she'd had on her face when she'd looked up at him standing on the control room balcony, so filled with wonder and excitement.

Some of them were memories he cherished, some of them were memories he despised but he wouldn't want to forget a single one of them. Besides the few material things, the pot, one of her jackets, her necklace, his memories were all they had of her and he made sure that every one of them were burned into his memory.

He'd never taken a loss so hard in all his life, so hard that even three years later it haunted him more often than not. Maybe it was because she'd done more for him than anyone else ever had, given him more than he had ever been capable of returning. Maybe it was because she had been his responsibility, the most important he had ever had. Maybe it was because more than just her had been lost that day, the only leader Atlantis would ever accept, the figurehead of the entire expedition had been lost as well.

Or maybe they were all just excuses, maybe the real reason losing her still hurt so much, the reason it had hurt more than anything else was because she had meant more to him than anything else ever had. He'd been a coward to never tell her that, to never have seen what could have been and to this day it was the biggest regret of his life.

"John?" Teyla's voice questioned, she always knew to find him here on these days, the days that he couldn't think about anything but her. To him this had always remained their place, to many of the Lantians it still remained John's and Elizabeth's, their balcony, their sanctuary.

"I'm fine Teyla," he said before she could even ask the question.

She moved to stand next him, a sad look on her face as she stared out at the ocean; Teyla had lost a friend that day too, a close friend. "Three years is a long time," she stated.

"Yeah, it is," John replied.

"But like you," she began "I still believe she is out there somewhere."

"Then I guess we keep looking."


End file.
